It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
