You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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