whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
