Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
