Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
