It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
