So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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