apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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