i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
