i would punch a child for taco bell
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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