How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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