Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
