Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
