Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
