You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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