I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
