He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
