And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My feet surprised me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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