I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
