I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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