We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
