Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
be right there i have to get my cape
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
