theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
