I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
