I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
