Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
