I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
its liver damage thursday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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