You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize