my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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