you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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