we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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