His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
