Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
