I didn't shave. On purpose
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
