Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
