If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
