Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
