He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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