I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
