i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
