You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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