Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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