Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
