I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
