I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
