He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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