I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
