just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
