Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
