Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize