just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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