Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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