if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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