thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
