literally had 100 drinks last night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
