It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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