I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
