I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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