did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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