Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
