it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
