She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize