Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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