Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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