dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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