coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
