i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
