Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
