I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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