Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
