Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
