So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
