the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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