the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize