I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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