I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
