She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
