Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
