oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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