She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
