When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He? As in you personified your dick?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
