don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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