weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
