You work out of a Hotel?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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