i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
