There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
