I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize