Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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