Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
