My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
