totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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