My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
