well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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