I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize