OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
