I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
