Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize