Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
