life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
