Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
