i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it hurts more in the daytime
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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