take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize