I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
