i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well you can't waste a boner
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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