PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
