Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
