If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
