the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
