she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
