yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
