I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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