belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
