So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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